Foreword

I think by now I’ve read Firefly Lane by Kristin Hannah at least 10 times. The first time though, I was probably much too young to really understand it or relate to it, but I can still remember ravenously tearing through the pages and crying and sobbing at the end. Because, even to my childish sentiments and knowledge, I still knew that it was a great tragedy, but also that the story itself was beautiful and hadn’t been for nothing. Though I still wasn’t sure what that something was. I’ve reread the book again a few times, but I think the last time I read it is when I really connected with it.

The last time I read this book was the summer before my senior year of college, which despite beginning with the worst time of my life thus far, was actually the best summer I’d had up until that point (Note: this is being written less than a year later). It was the first summer in a while that I’d actually been able to go up north and trust me, I went up at every opportunity – almost every weekend. For those of you that aren’t native Michiganders, Up North is a magical place for us. It’s different physical location for every family, but the feeling you get when you’re up there is the same. It’s dirt roads and lakes and four-wheeling and old cabins, and endless amounts of trees and campfires all under billions of stars that you can actually see and could spend the whole night craning your neck to look at.

And when I wasn’t kinking my neck up to look at the amazing view above me, I was hunched over absorbing beautiful stories, old and new. Firefly Lane is an old story that I’ve read a handful of times but reading it that summer felt different. And it was, because I finally understood one of the most important themes: heartbreak.

I don’t want to sidetrack from the main point of this site, which is to highlight my friendship with Kayla and our amazing podcast, but I also really need to talk about this heartbreak, because for me it really showed me who was there for me and how important my best friend was to me. The spring before my most amazing summer, was probably – no, definitely – the worst period of my life.

2018 ended with no huge changes, but the beginning of 2019 was like a whole new world, let alone year. I was on my phone constantly, waking up at odd hours of the night, and spending hours Facetiming when I’d only ever talked on the phone for a max of 20 minutes before then. And, I was planning a trip to the other side of the world. And though these actions may seem drastic or silly or borderline obsessive (which given my personality isn’t that out of the question), they were all done for what I deem one of the most important causes: love.

That late winter and early spring brought love into my life. something I hadn’t experienced. Yes, I’d felt love from family and friends, but never from a boy. And this boy was everything I could have ever asked for. And I fell for him hard, despite never having met him in person before. I know, I know, this sounds crazy. And looking back, maybe it was. But it doesn’t matter much what I think about it now, because in the moment it was real and so it was love. And so, I went to Japan!! JAPAN. The trip was too short and the flights were way too long but I savored every second of it. Even the flying and waiting around in airports. I’ve always been weird in that way, relishing airports and chasing after planes. I loved the possibility of where other people could be going. But this time, I was the one going to a strange and exotic place that I really didn’t know much about. To meet a Marine stationed overseas that grew up not 20 minutes away from my hometown.

While I was immensely excited to meet him, I was also incredibly nervous. My anxiety and depression were trying to get the best of me, but for maybe the first time, they weren’t. My excitement and love for this guy was overwhelming, but even so I was still unsure, because that’s just who I am. All I could think is what if I’m not what he expected, and I’ve even written out my exact thought process during this time (link here). But, despite these thoughts constantly running through my head, unlike usual, I didn’t let that stop me and I went, full throttle. And he was exactly what I envisioned. It was a week of heaven or as close as I’d ever been, and then it was over. And honestly leaving that place -- leaving him was so much harder than I would have ever imagined. But I had hope for our future, for when we could be together again, back home.

When he would meet my family and they’d love him and when he’d finally get to introduce me to all of his family. It would be perfect just like our relationship. But, as the saying goes, good things never last long.

Our relationship ended much the way it started: with a Facetime call. What one day was the source of such joy and happiness, quickly sent me into a pit. This call happened just as I was getting to my research lab, as I sat in the empty parking lot. Immediately after I called my mom and told her I was headed home, and then I texted Kayla, simply saying: "He left me." By the time I got home, I had countless messages from her and she came over that same night, literally leaving class to make sure I didn't have to be alone for even a moment.

And so, she sat with me on the floor, quite literally picking up the broken pieces of my heart. Honestly, I don't know what I would have done without her by my side during that dark period of my life. But, luckily I never had to find out, as she helped me find the beauty in life again, and, most importantly, to let go of the past.

I even got a tattoo to remind myself that I would rather do something than wonder what if, even if it hurts.

I also went on a couple of really bad dates, which nonetheless helped me get over everything that had happened.

And, most importantly I went on plenty of adventures with Kayla and just even by myself, making sure my summer wasn't wasted.

is this cute?

None of that would have happened without my best friend, and that's why I wanted to do this project. As a way to "show and tell" how important friendship and support is and how to keep those true friends around. I love you Kayla, and I hope you love this project we put together together.

So, what are you waiting for, dive on in!